AgriCulture: A Season of Miracles

TURKANA FARMS, LLC

Green E-Market Bulletin December 17, 2024

Enter the Season of Miracles — photo by Eric Rouleau

A Season of MiraclesHi all, Mark here.Tis the season of miracles. This year, by cosmic design, Christmas and Hanukkah fall on the same day and Christians and Jews will simultaneously celebrate a couple of lollapaloozas. For Christians, the Virgin Birth. For Jews, the one-day supply of oil that provided light for eight days. Could there be any more propitious time for the performance of another miracle, the one promised by none other than Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., to make America healthy again?RFK, nominated to lead the Department of Health and Human Services, has promised to reverse the long downward slide in the health of the American people by questioning orthodox science, unleashing the power of alternative therapies such as “nutraceuticals”, and replacing vaccines with natural immunity. We at Turkana Farms couldn’t be more overjoyed if we turn out to have a government fully committed to fundamental health, especially if it leads to a healthy market for our natural products. I sense some of you are skeptical about how likely that is to come about. You should consider the time-tested team of health promoters that’s being assembled to do the job.

Dr. Mehmet Oz, for example, has been nominated to head the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services. Dr. Oz seems to own substantial stock in Medicare Advantage providers and Medicare contractors with which his agency would negotiate. He also has a long history of promoting health improvement, particularly weight loss products. When in 2012 on national tv he called raspberry ketone, then untested in human trials, “A number one miracle in a bottle” to burn your fat, store shelves emptied as consumers rushed to buy it.Raspberry ketone is a substance that can be derived from a number of sources that we grow right here on Turkana Farms — raspberries, rhubarb, and maple for example. I’m hoping raspberry ketone will soon be covered by Medicare drug plans, turning our raspberry and rhubarb plantings into patches of red gold.

Dr. Janette Nesheiwat, designated to be Surgeon General, is no less devoted. By day she’s a medical director at City MD. Off hours, the New York Times reports, she markets her own line of vitamin products through her personal website. The most prominent is called B-C Boost. She does not identify the source of the vitamins she mixes, but I am confident our purslane crop, so rich in Vitamin C, could serve as her mother lode.

Some naysayers claim America’s public health infrastructure is about to be taken over by an army of quacks, snake oil salesmen and alchemists. Jonathan Jarry, “Kennedy’s Coalition of Quacks Wants to Feed America a Diet of Lies”, McGill Office for Science and Society, 15 Nov 2024. Pay these Cassandras no mind, I say. Don’t they know that one person’s quack is another person’s entrepreneur, and that entrepreneurship clearly represents the genius of our age? Don’t they understand that change will reach far beyond just our public health infrastructure? Producers and promoters of alternative health products will be so broadly represented in the new administration that scrolling through the departments on the usa.gov website may soon resemble a stroll down the aisles at your local GNC store.

Take diplomacy, for example. Mike Huckabee, the nominee for Ambassador to Israel, has for the last few years been promoting Relaxium Sleep, a “drug-free” sleep aid. (Does it work? I don’t know. A class action lawsuit filed and then settled in 2022 alleged it shouldn’t have claimed to be clinically proven. The NIH says evidence of the sleep assisting effects of a main ingredient, Valerian, is “inconsistent“.)What I do know is that Valerian comes from the root of a non-native plant now found growing in this region, and that another Relaxium plant ingredient, chamomile, is growing wild up by my barn. Someone, I’d say, has figured out how to make lemonade from lemons. And by the way, we here at Turkana Farms have lots of lemons.

Just as the Israeli point of view must be balanced with the Arab, Relaxium could be balanced in the new administration by TANTRA erotic/exotic, “a classic, refreshing drink that… stimulates and refreshes you always and restores used-up energy.” It is not being marketed right now, but according to the New York Times (“Trump’s Middle East Adviser Pick Is a Small-Time Truck Salesman,” December 12, 2024) this elixir that “gives men and women the ultimate stimulating push” was in the past produced by a Nigerian company associated with Trump’s Arab-perspective Middle East advisor (and Tiffany Trump father-in-law) Massad Boulos. I’ve got my fingers crossed for a brand revival, so my various weeds with known aphrodisiacal qualities can find a new market.

Sitting atop this pyramid of well-being we have President-elect Trump himself, currently taking orders for his Fight Fight Fight brand of cologne. The men’s cologne, his website crows, is a limited-edition product, now back-ordered for February delivery, that “embodies strength, power and victory.” It is “crafted for those who stand tall.” And while the website doesn’t disclose the specific masculine scents that comprise the cocktail, it informs us that “this bold scent delivers rich, robust notes that leave a lasting impression.”

I know in my heart that this is a message from above. Twice a day, morning and evening, as I make the rounds from chicken coop to barn to compost heap, I encounter myriad bold scents that deliver rich, robust notes and leave a lasting impression. Boy do they last, as they delicately meld on my boots, my jeans, my sweatshirt and hat. A wholly intangible essence of the farm, and finally a way to monetize it. I hear angels’ voices beckoning me to be a supplier.Talk about turning water to wine. Mr. Trump’s own product is clearly from my perspective the most miraculous of his administration, demonstrating precisely why he is the Entrepreneur-in-Chief.Starting in January, Americans are poised to sleep better, lose more weight, be more energetic, have more explosive orgasms, and smell more robustly. And we all are going to get rich by selling to each other the means to achieve these positive health outcomes. Even Turkana Farms could get profitable this way. I can practically smell it.Another miracle of the holidays. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year to all.

CHRISTMAS TURKEY?Our turkeys (this year we raised Blue Slates and Bourbon Reds, heritage breeds preserved for their exceptional flavor) were processed the week before Thanksgiving.We have a good number in the 7 to 9 lb. range and some in the 14 to 15 lb range, with one big 18 lb tom as well in the freezer. .These birds are far slower growing than broad breasted turkeys, able to develop fat that insures richer flavor. These have been fed on organic grain from Stone House Farm, supplemented by what they find in nature from flying, roaming and grazing by day (not the sedentary lives of supermarket turkeys). If you care about how the bird who’s been sacrificed for your table has lived, you should check out Princeton bioethicist Peter Singer’s essay, “Let’s End this Turkey Pardoning Nonsense,” in the November 22 New York Times.$12/lb

WHAT’S AVAILABLE THIS WEEKIn the red meat department, frozen lamb:Butterflied legs of lamb $16/lb Rib or Loin chops (packs of 2) $14/lb Small racks of lamb $14/lb Riblets (breast of lamb) $8/lbOther cuts imminently arriving.Eggs – Patience is a virtue. Pullet egg production has begun. By this weekend, the small but rich first eggs should be available at the bargain price (because so many of you are reluctant to buy little eggs) of $4/dozen.Veggies:Horseradish: $4/lbWe will be away from Dec. 22 to 29, so sales will be suspended for that week to relieve the stress on our farm sitters.

FARM PICKUPS:Email us your order at farm@turkanafarms.com, and let us know when you’d like to pick up your order. It will be put out for you on the side screened porch of the farmhouse (110 Lasher Ave., Germantown) in a bag. You can leave cash or a check in the now famous pineapple on the porch table. Because I’m now here full time, we’re abandoning regular pick-up times. Let us know when you want your order any day between 10 and 5, and unless there are unusual circumstances we’ll be able to ready it to your convenience. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to call or text at 917-544-6464 or email.

HEAR OUR SHOWIf you’d enjoy hearing these bulletins out loud instead of reading them, we broadcast them on Robin Hood Radio, the nation’s smallest NPR station. You can find it on FM 91.9, AM 1020, WBSL-FM 91.7 “The Voice of Berkshire School” or streaming on the web at www.robinhoodradio.com, where podcasts of past broadcasts are also available under the title AgriCulture in the “On Demand” section. FM 91.7 “The Voice of Berkshire School”can be heard from just south of Pittsfield to the CT border. You can hear the station on WHDD FM 91.9 from Ashley Falls, MA down through the Cornwalls and in NY from just south of Hillsdale down to Dover Plains. You can hear the station on AM1020 from Stockbridge, MA to Kent and from Poughkeepsie to Pawling to Kent, Goshen, Torrington, Norfolk, and Ashley. Recently added for those in the Route 22 corridor from Ancram down to Pawling is FM frequency 97.5 And of course you can listen in our own neighborhood of Southwestern Columbia and Northwestern Dutchess County, where it is being broadcast from Annandale on Hudson, 88.1 FM.

FOLLOW USThe bulletins may also now be found in written form on line as well, at the Germantown, NY, portal ofhttp://imby.com/germantown/userblogs/agriculture-turkana-farms/

©2024 Turkana Farms, LLC | 110 Lasher Avenue, Germantown, NY 12526